Prayer in times of deep despair

There are nights when the soul runs out of words. The pain is so great that we do not know what to ask for, or even whether it is worth praying. Deep despair can come through a loss, an illness, a betrayal, ruin, loneliness or a weariness that will not lift. If you are there, we want to tell you something before anything else: you are not alone, God has not gone away, and prayer does not require beautiful words. In this article you will find what the Bible says about praying from the depths, examples of men and women who did so, written prayers you can make your own when the words will not come, and also where to seek immediate help if you feel you need it.

If you are in danger, ask for help now

Before you read on: if you feel you cannot go on, if you are thinking of harming yourself or taking your own life, please seek help immediately. In Colombia call the emergency line 123; in other countries, your local emergency number. Talk right now to someone you trust: a relative, a friend, a pastor or a doctor. Seeking help is not a lack of faith; God also works through the people he places beside us. Your life is precious to God and to those around you.

“Out of the depths have I cried unto thee”

The Bible has a name for these moments: “the depths”. Psalm 130, one of the most beloved in Christian history, begins like this:

“Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O Lord. Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications.”
Psalm 130:1-2

The psalmist does not pray from the summit but from the bottom. And his prayer ends with hope: “I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning” (Psalm 130:5-6). The watchman on night duty knows the morning will come, even while it is still dark. That is what hope in God is like.

The darkest psalm

Psalm 88 is probably the saddest in the Bible. Its author says his soul is “full of troubles”, that he feels counted among those who go down to the pit, that his friends have drawn away, and he ends with a sentence of no apparent comfort: “Lover and friend hast thou put far from me, and mine acquaintance into darkness” (Psalm 88:18). Why is this psalm in the Bible? Because God wanted us to know that we can pray even when we see no light at all. In the midst of his darkness the psalmist still says: “O Lord God of my salvation, I have cried day and night before thee” (Psalm 88:1). He keeps talking to God. That is faith.

Elijah under the juniper tree

Elijah, the great prophet of Mount Carmel, reached a point of total exhaustion. Fleeing from Queen Jezebel, he walked a whole day into the desert, sat down under a juniper tree and asked to die: “It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers” (1 Kings 19:4). What God did next is a lesson in tenderness. He did not rebuke him. He sent an angel who touched him and said: “Arise and eat.” There was bread and water beside his head. Elijah ate, slept, and the angel woke him again: “Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee.” God first cared for his weariness and his hunger; then he led him to Mount Horeb, where he spoke to him in a still small voice, showed him he was not alone and gave him a new purpose and a companion, Elisha.

Sometimes, in despair, the first thing we need is not a great revelation but to rest, eat, sleep and let someone care for us. God knows that. Read also the story of Elijah.

Jesus in Gethsemane

On the night before his crucifixion, Jesus went to the garden of Gethsemane with his disciples. There he told them something seldom remembered: “My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me” (Matthew 26:38). He fell on his face and prayed:

“And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.”
Matthew 26:39

Luke tells us he was in such agony that his sweat was like great drops of blood, and that an angel came to strengthen him (Luke 22:43-44). Jesus knows anguish from the inside. We do not pray to someone watching us from afar, but to one who went through the darkest night and asked his friends to keep watch with him. In your anguish, Jesus understands you.

When you don’t know what to say

One of the most comforting promises for times of despair is this:

“Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.”
Romans 8:26

You do not need to find the right words. You can simply be before God, weep, sigh or repeat a single sentence. The Holy Spirit turns your groans into prayer. Hannah, Samuel’s mother, prayed in such anguish that only her lips moved without her voice being heard, and the priest thought she was drunk; she said: “I have poured out my soul before the Lord” (1 Samuel 1:15). God heard that wordless prayer.

Short prayers for the hardest moments

When the mind can give no more, these sentences from the Bible can be your prayer. Repeat them slowly, again and again:

“Lord, save me” (Matthew 14:30). “Make haste, O God, to deliver me; make haste to help me, O Lord” (Psalm 70:1). “From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I” (Psalm 61:2). “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief” (Mark 9:24). “Jesus, remember me” (Luke 23:42). “Into thine hand I commit my spirit” (Psalm 31:5). “Lord, have mercy on me.”

Prayers to make your own

When I have no strength: “Lord, I can’t go on. I have no strength even to ask you properly. I can only tell you that I am here and that I am exhausted. Come, Holy Spirit, and hold me up from within. I am not asking for strength for a lifetime: give me strength for this hour. Just this hour. Amen.”

When I feel it’s all over: “Father, my life has collapsed and I cannot see how to go on. Everything tells me this is the end. But you made a way through the sea when there was no way, and you brought Jesus out of a sealed tomb. I do not know how, I do not feel it, but I hold on to that. Come, Spirit of life, and breathe on these ruins. Do not let me go. Amen.”

When I feel alone: “Lord Jesus, you too were left alone on the night you most needed company. You know how heavy this silence is. I feel that no one understands me and that no one needs me. Come, Holy Spirit, and let me sense that there is Someone in this room with me. And tomorrow, put one person in my path, just one, who will look at me and listen. Give me courage to let myself be accompanied. Amen.”

In a sleepless night: “My God, the night is long and my thoughts go round and round without stopping. At this hour everything seems worse than it is. You do not sleep: stay awake with me. Come, Holy Spirit, and lay your hand on my forehead like a mother with her child. Calm what I cannot calm. Whatever is waiting for me tomorrow, hold it until tomorrow. I will lie down in peace and sleep, for you alone make me dwell in safety. Amen.”

When guilt crushes me: “Lord, what I did gives me no peace. I go over it again and again and I cannot undo it. I confess it to you whole, without dressing it up. You said that if I confess my sins, you are faithful and just to forgive me. Come, Holy Spirit, and whisper to me what I find so hard to believe: that there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Wash me. And teach me to forgive myself for what you have already forgiven. Amen.”

For a new dawn: “Father, it is still dark, but I want to believe that dawn is coming. Your mercies are new every morning, and I need a new one today. Though there is weeping tonight, you said joy comes in the morning. Come, Holy Spirit, and kindle a small hope in me; a small one is enough for me to take the next step. Pain does not have the last word. You do. Amen.”

Promises to hold you

Lamentations, a book written among the ruins of Jerusalem, holds this light at its centre: “This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:21-23). And Psalm 30 reminds us: “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning” (Psalm 30:5).

“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.”
Psalm 42:11

Practical steps besides prayer

Don’t stay alone. Call someone you trust today and tell them how you are. Look after your body. Like Elijah, you may need to eat, sleep and rest. Seek professional help. A doctor, psychologist or counsellor can help you; faith and professional care do not contradict each other. Draw near to your church. Ask your pastor or community to pray with you. Ask for prayer here: you can write to us in Request prayer and we will pray for you. Read a psalm each day: start with Psalms 23, 42, 46, 91 and 121. Take one step at a time. You don’t have to sort out your whole life today; it is enough to get through this hour with God.

Closing prayer

Lord, out of the depths I cry to you. Not from the firm faith I wish I had, but from the bottom, where my feet no longer touch. You see the tears no one saw and you know my anguish better than I do. I do not know what to ask; I do not even know if I have faith enough to ask. Come, Holy Spirit, and pray in me with those groanings that do not fit into words. As with the prophet Elijah under the juniper tree, touch me and give me bread for the journey. As with Peter in the sea, stretch out your hand before I go under. As with Jesus in Gethsemane, send me some comfort tonight. Place people beside me who will care for me, and give me the humility to let myself be cared for. I do not ask to see the whole road: only that you wait with me until morning. Into your hands I commit my life. In Jesus’ name. Amen.