Praying for our enemies: the example of Jesus
Of all Jesus’ teachings, few are as hard as this one: “Love your enemies… and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). Loving our friends is natural; praying for someone who has hurt, betrayed or humiliated us seems impossible. Yet Jesus did not only teach it: he lived it all the way to the cross. In this article we will look at what it means to pray for our enemies, why Jesus asks it, how he and his followers practised it, what it does not mean, and some concrete steps to begin doing it even while the heart still hurts.
A revolutionary teaching
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus contrasted the common mindset of his day with that of the kingdom of God:
“Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.”
Matthew 5:43-45
The law of Moses commanded love for one’s neighbour, and many understood that to allow hatred of one’s enemy. Jesus broke that logic. His argument is the character of God: the Father makes the sun rise and sends rain on the good and the evil. If we are his children, we must resemble him. And he added: “if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?” (Matthew 5:46). Christian love stands out precisely because it reaches those who do not deserve it.
The example of Jesus on the cross
Jesus was betrayed by a friend, abandoned by his disciples, accused by false witnesses, mocked by soldiers, scourged and nailed to a cross. And as they crucified him, a prayer came from his lips:
“Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.”
Luke 23:34
He did not ask for revenge or curse his executioners. He prayed for them. Peter, who saw him suffer, wrote years later: “when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously” (1 Peter 2:23). Jesus entrusted justice to the Father and offered forgiveness to his enemies. Thanks to that prayer, all of us, who were also enemies of God through our sin, can be reconciled (Romans 5:10).
Stephen: the first martyr
Jesus’ example was soon repeated. Stephen, one of the first deacons of the church in Jerusalem, was falsely accused and stoned. As the stones fell on him, he knelt down and cried with a loud voice:
“And he kneeled down, and cried with a loud voice, Lord, lay not this sin to their charge. And when he had said this, he fell asleep.”
Acts 7:60
Among those who approved of his death was a young man named Saul, who kept the clothes of those who stoned him. Soon afterwards that same Saul met Christ on the road to Damascus and became the apostle Paul. Many have seen in that conversion an answer to Stephen’s prayer for his enemies.
Other biblical examples
Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers. Years later, when he had the power to take revenge, he forgave them and said: “ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good” (Genesis 50:20). David twice had the chance to kill King Saul, who was persecuting him unjustly, and did not. Elisha had the Syrian soldiers who came to capture him fed and let them go in peace (2 Kings 6:22-23). Job prayed for the friends who had accused him, and then God restored him (Job 42:10). And Proverbs already taught: “If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat” (Proverbs 25:21), words Paul quoted in Romans 12:20.
Why pray for our enemies?
Because it makes us like God. He loved us when we were his enemies. Because it sets us free. Hatred and resentment chain the one who holds them; prayer breaks those chains. Because it changes how we see. It is hard to keep hating someone we sincerely pray for; we begin to see them as a person in need of God. Because it leaves justice in God’s hands. “Avenge not yourselves… for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord” (Romans 12:19). Because it can transform the enemy. Many stories of reconciliation began with a prayer. Because it overcomes evil. “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21).
What it does not mean
Praying for our enemies does not mean approving of the wrong they did or pretending nothing happened. It does not mean remaining in a situation of abuse or danger: seeking protection, setting boundaries and turning to the justice system are legitimate and sometimes necessary. Nor does it mean that trust is restored at once; forgiveness can be immediate, but reconciliation and trust take time and require repentance from the other person. And it does not mean denying the pain: we can bring our wound to God honestly, as many psalms do. If you have suffered abuse or violence, seek professional help and people you trust. Read also Forgiving a betrayal.
How to pray for someone who has hurt you
1. Be honest with God. Tell him what you feel: pain, anger, sadness. He knows, and he can heal it. 2. Decide to forgive. Forgiveness is a decision before it is a feeling; ask God for the strength to make it. 3. Pray for their good. Ask God to bless that person, lead them to repentance, heal them and save them. 4. Use words from the Bible if you cannot find your own, such as Jesus’ prayer on the cross. 5. Repeat the prayer whenever resentment returns; sometimes forgiveness has to be renewed many times. 6. Seek to do good when it is possible and safe: a kind word, a practical act of help. 7. Leave the outcome to God. We will not always see a change in the other person, but God will change our heart.
Testimonies from history
Christian history is full of people who prayed for their enemies. Corrie ten Boom, who survived a Nazi concentration camp where her sister died, told how years later she stretched out her hand to forgive one of her former guards, asking God for the love she did not have. Elisabeth Elliot, whose husband Jim was killed in 1956 along with four other missionaries in Ecuador, later went to live among the very people who had killed them, and several of them came to faith in Christ. And in many places marked by violence, including Colombia, victims and perpetrators have found in Christ the path to reconciliation.
A prayer to begin
If there is someone today who has hurt you, you can begin with these words: “Lord, you know the harm [name] did to me and the pain I feel. I cannot forgive in my own strength, but I want to obey you. I give you my desire for revenge and ask you to bring justice in your way. Bless [name], touch their heart, lead them to repentance and to know you. Heal my wounds and give me your love. Like Jesus on the cross, I say: Father, forgive them. Amen.”
When the enemy is someone close
Sometimes the “enemy” is not a stranger but someone very close: a relative, a former spouse, a business partner, a colleague or a fellow church member. Those wounds are often the deepest, because they come from someone we expected love from. David expressed it in a psalm: “For it was not an enemy that reproached me; then I could have borne it… But it was thou, a man mine equal, my guide, and mine acquaintance” (Psalm 55:12-13). Jesus too was betrayed by one of the twelve, whom he called “friend” at the moment of the kiss (Matthew 26:50). Praying for someone close who has hurt us takes patience and sometimes pastoral or professional support. It can help to write a letter to God with everything we feel, without sending it to anyone, and end it with a blessing for that person. In time God can heal the memory and, if both sides allow it, the relationship too.
And if today you cannot yet pray a blessing over your enemy, begin by asking God to give you the desire to do so. That small step is already the work of his grace in you.
Closing prayer
Lord Jesus, who prayed for those who crucified you, give me a heart like yours. Free me from hatred, resentment and the desire for revenge. Teach me to bless those who curse me and to pray for those who hurt me, trusting that you are the righteous Judge. Heal my wounds and use me as an instrument of reconciliation. Amen.